Karin Vagiste, Mediator, Author & Producer
AWARDS AND HONORS: (1) International Award of Excellence for her Peace-Building Strategies as a Mediator during her time at the Attorney General’s ADR Office. [ New York, USA]
(2) National Award of Excellence from AMTEC, (Association of Media and Technology in Educational Communications), for her Educational Programs. [Canada]
EDUCATION: Windsor University, Faculty of Law, Advanced Mediation Specialization. York University, HONOURS BFA; and The University of Toronto B.ED. www.lowerstress.me
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Continuation of 💗 Stir in Romance 💗
No matter how nasty your dispute may be, it can mark the beginning of positive change. No couple is The blame game is all too common with couples, so before you begin peace talks, there are two ground rules that you and your partner need to agree on. First agree to listen to each other respectfully, that includes without judging what is said. Certain negative habits are hard to break, so to ensure a much smoother resolution of your problem, here’s the next ground rule. If either one of you feels criticized or put down in some way, then agree to gently remind the other person that you’ve both agreed to keep your conversation nice.
Every problem-solving conversation involves asking questions, but when under stress it’s hard to know which questions to ask. Too many talks end up in fights because questions are accusatory in nature. The next series of questions are a shortened and simplified version of the mediation questions that a professional mediator would ask. These questions provide a solid conversation guide for your peace talks.
The first question may seem unnecessary because you believe you already know how your partner sees the conflict. But the truth is that we don’t see things as they really are, we see things as we are. We all have filters that distort reality to some degree. So, question number one is, how do you see our conflict? When they finish talking, ask if there is anything else they’d like to add. Now wait patiently for their reply … count to ten or bite your tongue. What you hear next just might surprise you. You will also share your view of the conflict. Next explore what is important to each of you about this troublesome issue. Dig a little deeper and find out why this is important. If frustrations build, take a short break by excusing yourself to go for a glass of water or visit the washroom.
Here are the remaining questions. What do you need in order to solve our problem? What underlying interests are connected to your need? For example, if someone needs privacy, their underlying, or supporting interests might be to study a new language and meditate. Write up a list of these supporting interests. When you compare your interests explore where some of your interests overlap with their interests. Do take into consideration even remotely similar interests. This overlap area is known as common ground. It marks a wonderful shift, because you no longer feel like adversaries. You see each other as allies moving in the same direction together.
FIRST AID FOR STRESS 🇨🇭
Create ways to address the requirements of your common interests first. Then explore a number of ways to meet needs. In the last phase you agree on a solution. If stalemate should occur in your peace talks, select the relevant questions from the twenty-two questions that are outlined in FIRST AID FOR STRESS, which can be ordered from http://www.lowerstress.me These questions serve to redirect your stressed-out, exhausted emotions into a productive collaboration. You will find some brain-teaser questions to lighten the mood. Laughter helps clear the air of any tension and is the shortest distance between two people.
Celebrate your glorious breakthrough to a resolution. There’s no need for a big celebration … just buying matching mugs will do. Your relationship has become stronger and the good news is that future disputes will not appear as daunting. And best of all, peace of mind leads to a joyous heart that that can arouse robust, romantic unions.
Watch My Video
An Anthem for the Human Spirit … Rise UP! Wake up your spirit to ignite joy.
My RISE UP! video does has an uplifting message for the new year